Eat your heart out

Hello lovelies, I'm Ali. I post lots of strange things I find amusing... X


drakesquad:

tuggywuggy:

drakesquad:

i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter

This is a very sad mentality. To think oneself more important than that of progeny is the sign of a failed human life.

so the wiggles concert wasn’t as good as you thought it would be huh


starllex:

I don’t get how babies can cry at restaurants lol like nigga why you cryin there’s food around you rejoice


skindeap:

gordoananke:

midnightthunders:

So… I was giving some jelly to my cat

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My phone started ringing. Forgetting that I was holding the spoon I took the phone.

I never heard the spoon hitting the floor…

image

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they are evolving

I don’t need your fucking opposable thumbs


i took your advice salazar
what advice
about having giant versions of our house animals
oh no
i got a 60 foot lion
oh no
she's in the grounds right now
OH NO
look out the window bro

wait i dont see her
yeah i was lion about the whole thing


i cant believe i let that pun slytherin to the conversation
ayyyyy
ayyyyy

virginitity:

how i seduce men

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junes-discotheque:

dazzledfirestar:

bidyke:

barbidreamdumpster:

if you want to ask a bisexual or asexual person about their sexual history to verify that they’re queer, but you don’t want them to take it the wrong way, try this useful communication technique:

give them twenty dollars and go away.

As a bi person, I can attest to the beneficiality of this method.

As a bi person I absolutely support this technique.

As a biromantic asexual person, I would like forty dollars.